This article was written by Adryan Corcione and clinically reviewed by Michelle Forcier, MD. Illustrations were drawn by Ocean Mateus.
If you're a parent of a transgender and/or nonbinary child, teen, or adult, FOLX offers parental consults through our Virtual Healthcare visits, where you can get information on how to support your child through any of the following processes: questioning, social affirmation, legal affirmation, medical affirmation, surgical affirmation. Schedule a VHC visit with a FOLX clinician today to learn more about gender affirming care options for your child, teen, or adult. Additionally, stay tuned for our parental support groups, soon to be available in our community content platform, INNERSPACE.
When it comes to showing up for transgender, nonbinary, and gender nonconforming youth, the role of the parent is incredibly important. Caregiving for trans, nonbinary, and GNC youth includes affirming their gender, however that means to the child. At FOLX Health, we aim to provide you with reliable, trustworthy educational content to guide you through this journey.
This article is a part three to our Library editorial series for parents of trans, nonbinary, and GNC youth. The previous two articles include:
How can you better support LGBTQ+ youth—more specifically, transgender, nonbinary, and GNC youth—through social affirmation? Read on to learn how you and your family members can become better trans youth family allies.
What is social affirmation for trans, nonbinary, and gender non-conforming youth?
Social affirmation is all about honoring a person’s new identity. (While this article focuses on transgender, nonbinary, and gender non-conforming youth—for good reason—social affirmation can apply to anyone on the gender spectrum, even for cisgender kids looking to feel more comfortable in their assigned gender. Social affirmation from parents is also super important for youth who identify as gay, bi/pansexual, or some other sexual orientation.) When it comes to honoring your child’s new gender expression, consider it an act of unconditional love.
One powerful part of family support can be parents, siblings, and other family members using a youth’s chosen name and pronouns. Other aspects of social affirmation can include cosmetic affirmation, such as with gender affirming clothing and cosmetic procedures. Research supports that social affirmation can benefit trans and nonbinary peoples’ mental health.
Name and pronouns
2018 research from the Journal of Adolescent Health explains that chosen name usage helps reduce depression symptoms, suicidal ideation, and overall suicidal behavior among gender diverse youth. Using a new name and pronouns for your child is a good way to show your child that you’re listening and there for them. Even if their name and pronouns change again, or return back to their birth name and assigned pronouns, or evolves into a different name that over time seems to fit better, following your child’s lead helps you build trust in your relationship with them.
Affirmation can also look like helping your child find and wear the right clothing that most accurately reflects their gender identity. For instance, it can be distressing to be dressed like a boy browsing in the so-called “women’s” section of a clothing store—or vice versa, presenting as a girl browsing in the “men’s” section. A parent can help find ways to shop for clothes that feel safe and even fun. Dressing in gender neutral clothing is becoming more of an option in terms of items and choices. Today, even hair and makeup is more fluid and flexible than ever. There are good examples of other transgender or nonbinary children or youth on social media. Offering to be involved in these activities can be important ways to demonstrate support in their gender affirmation process.
Another way to support your child might be to help them access other completely non-permanent and reversible tools, such as or garments for tucking. Chest binders are a garment specifically designed to keep the chest tightly bound; these are known to reduce chest dysphoria. Trans masculine people, or masc of center nonbinary people, might opt to use a packer, which is a prosthetic penis and testicles. People situate them in their underwear, which can help decrease genital dysphoria. Some may also want to try stand to pee devices. For transfeminine or femme of center people, there are underwear-like garments specifically designed to help tuck or hide the testes in the inguinal canal. Additionally, there are specific bras that offer padding and support that enhance breast size.
The important of caregiver advocacy
While the overall LGBT liberation movement has made tremendous strides over recent decades, our society has a long way to go with transgender equality. To help bridge the gap, it’s important to emphasize how critical caregiver advocacy is for gender variant youth navigating school, work, and other social institutions, especially in such a trans antagonistic political climate.
Among other relatives
How do your relatives approach gender identity and transgender rights? Consider what social affirmation—or lack thereof—will look like beyond just yourself as a parent. Consider what your child’s other parent(s), sibling(s), step family members, and/or anyone else living in your household will respond to social affirmation. Will they appear affirming? Will they appear invalidating? Will they appear a little bit of both? It’s completely appropriate for parents or caregivers to restrict access when family members or friends are being harmful and transphobic to their child. A parents’ job is to protect their child. Parents can offer resources and opportunities for those struggling to accept a gender diverse child, but not allow their child to be exposed to that toxicity.
While we encourage you to speak with other family members in private about what social affirmation looks like for your child, it’s also important to check-in with your child about how they feel about other family members addressing them. It’s quite possible they’re not interested in, or not ready to, come out to other family members quite yet. On the flip side, they might solicit your support to correct other family members when they deadname and/or misgender your child.
The same consideration goes for extended family members living outside of the household. Think about holidays and other kinds of family gatherings throughout the year. How can you best prepare for these gatherings and take the burden off your child to affirm their gender identity to the rest of your family? Before attending such gatherings, check in with your child to ask how they’re feeling as the date approaches. Don’t be afraid to skip on attending gatherings altogether, too, especially if your child doesn’t want to deal with unaccepting family members; if you value family, you’ll honor your child’s needs first and foremost.
In school
At school, you may need to help your child advocate to be referred to by their new name and pronouns. It may require one-on-one conversations with your child’s educators, which may include teachers, counselors, principles, coaches, and other school staff.
If your child’s school has a dress code and gendered bathrooms, it should also be emphasized that your child should be dressing and using bathrooms according to their new gender identity. If your child is nonbinary and there aren’t gender neutral bathrooms, this could be yet another opportunity to push for more progressive school policies.
At the doctor’s office
Hopefully, you won’t be in a situation where you’ll need to spend too much time educating medical service providers about gender affirming care. Healthcare providers here at FOLX Health, have LGBTQ+ specialized providers who understand the ins and outs of gender affirming care. However, we understand that based on your access to healthcare—especially if you live in a more rural area—you may have limited choices when it comes to pediatrics providers. Unfortunately there are increasing numbers of states that are working hard to make access to care for gender diverse children more difficult, or even illegal! These efforts outright deny access to and provision of medically safe, effective, necessary care, which is against all our medical recommendations as well as our professional and moral ethics.
With that said, it’s important to be well informed about gender affirming care of youth prior to booking your appointment with a provider. Some providers are located in gender specialty clinics, but there are a growing number of providers adding gender care to general and primary care practices. The medical degree or type of clinic is less important than knowing whether the provider is knowledgeable and competent; they listen carefully and respectfully; and whether youI like and trust the provider. Do your research ahead of time to find the right provider, Many within the LGBTQ+ community at large seek recommendations from other queer and trans people, either through online reviews, forums, or simply word of mouth.
If you need help with this process, FOLX offers parental consultations through our Virtual Healthcare visits, where you can get information on how to support your child through any of the following processes: questioning, social affirmation, legal affirmation, medical affirmation, surgical affirmation. Schedule a VHC visit with a FOLX clinician today to learn more about gender affirming care options for your child, teen, or adult.
More resources for parents of transgender people
If you’re looking to learn more about how to be a better advocate for your child, try checking out regional and/or national community organizations and nonprofits that specifically advocate for trans youth, such as the Trevor Project. Here are some additional resources to check out:
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Human Rights Campaign (including the Parents for Transgender Equality National Council and Welcoming Schools bullying prevention program)
Remember that you’re not alone. There are plenty of parents of trans, nonbinary, and GNC youth out there just like you who’ve gone through similar experiences. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you’re looking for more support for you and your child.
If you're a parent of a transgender and/or nonbinary child, teen, or adult, FOLX offers parental consults through our Virtual Healthcare visits, where you can get information on how to support your child through any of the following processes: questioning, social affirmation, legal affirmation, medical affirmation, surgical affirmation. Schedule a VHC visit with a FOLX clinician today to learn more about gender affirming care options for your child, teen, or adult. Additionally, stay tuned for our parental support groups, soon to be available in our community content platform, INNERSPACE.
