By Ella Adkins (she/her)
Like an irritating yet beloved friend, I have always existed in somewhat of a paradox when it comes to how I feel about my period. For most of my menstruating years, I have struggled to enjoy being in my bleeding body. Puffy, bloated, and achy—part of me wishes I could step out of myself and return in 4-7 days. My period body, with all its swelling and soreness, has always seemed ugly to me, prompting me to hide under baggy clothes for the 5-7 days until I feel normal again.
Yet, I understand that those perceptions of my menstruating body aren’t necessarily my own: these are judgements deeply rooted in oppressive and unrealistic societal ideals about femininity. Capitalism deems my bleeding body unfit for work; the patriarchy insists it’s too messy and insists I conceal my bleeding and its manifestations until I’m deemed desirable once more.
An avenue that I have found a simultaneous confrontation and healing when it comes to my acceptance, or lack thereof, of my menstruating body, is intimacy. Often, I tend to shy away from it. I don’t always know how to allow my bleeding body to be touched and loved without feeling the need to hide, to conceal, and to perform a femininity that excluded my period and the experience of menstruation. With my partners, I often avoided intimate touch when I was bleeding, primarily due to a strange sense of shame about my body.
But what exactly does intimacy mean and look like anyway? I realize for most of menstruating life, I have reduced intimacy to sex. Therefore, I have deprived myself of a more complex, sustainable and deep relationship to my own body during my period. Rituals of non-sexual touch and closeness have allowed me to develop a relationship with my bleeding body in all its discomforts, which has allowed me to appreciate the process that my body is going through and all its magic.
A 2020 study, Curious Cycles, by KTH Royal Institute of Technology in Sweden, explored touching and being in touch with the menstruating body. They provided participants with objects and interactions to encourage close contact with their menstruating bodies.
Participants collected menstrual blood in a vessel, used a smartphone microscope attachment to study menstrual blood and cervical mucus, observed their vulva in a handheld mirror, and explored heat with a rice and lavender heat pad.
The study was successful, with many participants feeling empowered and excited about engaging with their menstruating bodies, gaining deeper appreciation and comfort. Interestingly, many expressed initial hesitancy, similar to my own.
The study concludes, “Societal norms teach menstruators to express discomfort with their bodies and feel disgusted by the messiness of menstruation.”
What the study showed is that people need to be invited and given permission to touch and explore their menstruating bodies and be provided with a space of curiosity and permission to get messy and exist in the humor and awkwardness of a changing body.
“There is power in touching the body for oneself,” Curious Cycles states, “both in terms of emancipation and appreciation by breaking this taboo, and in the self-knowledge that can result.”
This ongoing conversation with myself about intimacy and menstruation has acknowledged a deeply visceral part of me, that craves embrace and physical touch, whether from myself or a partner. I long to be seen in all aspects of myself.
So I lean in: Unexpectedly, I find comfort when my partner rubs my belly, releasing sweet oxytocin and allowing me to feel soft. I find ways to touch myself during my period, whether its sensual or just self soothing. I am learning that touching myself and inviting touch from those close to me during menstruation is not only an act of care and healing but also a form of resistance against systems that deem my menstruating body unworthy of intimacy.
Using Somedays products, like Cramp Cream, After Flow, or Belly Jelly, has helped me integrate a ritual of touch into my cycle. The practices that these products encourage really allow for people with periods to focus first on how to work with your body rather than what you can do to your body, as if it is a separate object. For many, whether you have a period or not, the engagement with menstruating bodies is one of avoidance and distance, avoiding anything too close, too messy, or too visual. This separation and distance taught from a young age contribute to my anxieties about intimate touch during my period.
Yes, I still feel puffy and uncomfortable a few days each month, and sometimes I don’t want to be touched, and that’s okay—it’s a personal boundary.
I am beginning to understand that it’s not that I didn’t want the healing power of touch during tenderness and pain—who wouldn’t want that? It’s that I had never been told or shown that I was allowed to desire that touch.
But I’m also learning that my menstruating body is allowed to crave touch and intimacy that isn’t necessarily sexual or dictated by standards of sexualization, gender, and beauty.
I’m allowed to be intimate with the processes of my own menstruation. Rather than just enduring it, I’m finding it more supportive to view it as a week to be in.
By remaining curious about my pain, discomfort, and bleeding, I can experiment with how I touch and hold myself, whether through self-pleasure to ease cramps and uplift my mood, or asking my partner for specific kinds of touch during menstruation.
I hope this piece serves as an invitation, a permission of sorts, to explore touch and build a relationship with your menstruating body in ways that bring you comfort and support.
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Somedays is on a mission to challenge the normalization of period pain. Born from the experiences of living with debilitating period pain and endometriosis, Somedays aims to de-normalize period pain and offer natural, science-backed relief options that prioritize efficacy and pleasure. Globally recognized for their innovative approach, they are committed to providing period pain relief without the long list of negative side effects, infusing safe and effective pain-relieving ingredients into everyday products. To learn more visit somedays.com
