By Lux Perry (they/them)
I’ve been sharing for years how queer period sex almost cured my period pain. If my teenage self could see me now—openly discussing periods and sex in the same breath—they'd probably be shocked. I’ve dealt with chronic pain since I was nine, with no clear explanation and little sympathy. This ongoing struggle led to feelings of shame and anxiety. To appear normal and competent, I often downplayed my pain, attributing it to a “pulled abdominal muscle” instead of acknowledging it as period pain. This constant hiding taught me to lie, conceal, and ultimately despise my body.
Fast forward through my pain-ridden high school years. I publicly came out shortly after graduation and spent my early 20s exploring my identity while still in pain. However, as I embraced my queerness, my ability to discuss my pain began to shift. There’s an openness in the queer community that I never felt in straight circles. Hairy armpits, mental health, poverty, trauma, periods—everything was open for discussion. Being older, more confident, and less ashamed of my body, I started talking about my pain and my period.
Sharing my pain openly allowed me to confront years of repressed suffering. My pain reached its peak, but I felt supported and less isolated. It was safe to express my pain, to seek help. This newfound safety, provided by my queer community, was the first step in my healing journey.
Fast forward nearly a decade and countless failed medical interventions later. I met someone new. They loved period sex and were unashamed in their pursuit of pleasure. Although I had experienced period sex before, it had always been treated as an inconvenience. But this person wanted it and expressed their desire openly. Sex can be hard for people with endometriosis (like me) but for the first time, I found myself eagerly anticipating my period, associating it with excitement and pleasure rather than anxiety and pain.
A few months in, I realized that instead of the usual crippling anxiety I felt as my period approached, I was thinking about sex, pleasure, and loving my body. That’s when everything changed. Could I change my relationship with my pain by embracing pleasure alongside it?
We are often taught to be ashamed of pleasure, especially if you’re queer and your sexuality is stigmatized by society. Pleasure felt like something I could never speak about or pursue. But this partner dismantled that belief, piece by piece, and helped me see that I deserved pleasure. They gave me permission, and eventually, I gave it to myself.
I leaned into loving my body and pursuing pleasure shamelessly and often. Queerness was the first thing I ever loved about myself, and my ability to experience pleasure was the second. These two aspects of my identity are intertwined. For me, queerness is rooted in the pursuit of pleasure, choosing love and joy over shame and self-doubt.
When I released the shame, fear, and anxiety that had been ingrained in my body from decades of pain and internalized homophobia, I made room for pleasure. The pain didn’t disappear—I still had endometriosis and chronic pain—but my relationship with that pain changed. Through kink, sex, and BDSM, I learned to let pain and pleasure coexist. Surprisingly, this practice reduced my pain to a level I never thought possible.
So, when I say queer period sex cured my period pain, it didn’t. But it transformed me. It brought me home to a body that felt safe to explore for the first time in my life. This newfound sense of safety calmed my nervous system, allowing me to better manage my pain. This experience inspired me to create somedays and continues to guide our mission. The radical idea is that there is always room for pleasure; we just need to feel safe and brave enough to access it.
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Somedays is on a mission to challenge the normalization of period pain. Born from the experiences of living with debilitating period pain and endometriosis, Somedays aims to de-normalize period pain and offer natural, science-backed relief options that prioritize efficacy and pleasure. Globally recognized for their innovative approach, they are committed to providing period pain relief without the long list of negative side effects, infusing safe and effective pain-relieving ingredients into everyday products. To learn more visit somedays.com
