LGBTQIA+ Sexual Health Guide

Quick links:

• Safer Sex Checklist
• Sexuality During Your Second Puberty
• Tips for Being Respectful & Considerate with Trans Partners
• Preventing Pregnancy as a Queer Person
• PrEP
• Doxy-PEP
• Preparing for Pregnancy
• Sexual Safety Tips for Sex Workers
• Tips for Hiring Sex Workers
• Sex Positive Accounts and Online Spaces
• Navigating
Non-Monogamy
• Exploring Kink
• Introduction to Ace Identities
• When Sex Isn't Fun

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For Sexual Health Awareness Month, we created this guide about sexual health for LGBTQIA+ folks.

For many of us, our journey of self-discovery involves embracing our identities, being empowered to make informed choices, and learning the sex ed that we were NEVER taught in schools!

Read the FOLX Sexual Health Guide to staying empowered, informed and seen in your intimacy journey.

A Note From Us at FOLX

Oh hello Community,

Did you know September is Sexual Health Awareness Month? Seemed like a great time to dig deep into one of our favorite topics! As LGBTQIA+ people, our sexuality is often intimately connected to our identities, in ways that can be both liberating and sometimes tricky. No matter how we identify or how we relate to our bodies, our sexual health, in the most expansive understanding of that phrase, is very often essential to
our wellbeing.

This year's Sexual Health Guide covers a lot of ground.
We've drawn from your stories, your questions, and the collective wisdom of our community. From understanding
ace identities to navigating the realms of kink and ethical
non-monogamy, from equipping ourselves with essential sexual health toolkits to getting frisky safely as practitioners or clients of sex work, we are here to explore, learn, and take care
of ourselves and each other.

Our communities have dealt with some seriously tough stuff around sex - from sodomy laws and the AIDS crisis to the intimate experiences of consent violations many of us have faced. We touch briefly in this guide on how to take care of yourself when sex isn’t fun, and we’ve got more resources in
our library too. We see you, and we’re here for whatever sex brings up for you in this moment in time.

But the focus of this guide is on how much joy, affirmation and connection is possible in sexual health - in so many forms.
One of the amazing beauties of being queer is that we get to write our own stories of what relationships, including sexual ones, can look like. From bath houses to platonic nesting partners
to being ace or solo poly, and with all sorts of gender configurations and desire entanglements.

We hope this guide helps you find moments of exploration
and gender euphoria and inspires you to get that sexual health tune up you’ve been meaning to prioritize. Have so much fun, while understanding your risks and making informed
decisions about the sexual practices you choose. FOLX is a no judgment zone, and we hope you get everything you need, here or from our amazing clinicians, to take the
best possible care of your sexual health.  This month and
all year long.  

Let’s do this, The FOLX Health team

Sexuality during
your second puberty

Are you new or even a year or more into your gender-affirming hormone therapy journey? Welcome to the wild ride of "second puberty." Remember those awkward teen years? Well, now's your chance for a do-over, with a bit more wisdom (hopefully) and a lot less acne (or more, if you’re on testosterone, sorry!). Just as with first puberty, this transformative period isn't just about physical alterations, but an exploration of one's burgeoning sexual self and the discovery of a new intimacy with one's body.

Many trans folks experience shifts in their sexual desires, responsiveness, and even attractions. You might find that suddenly that person you never looked at twice? Oh, they’re cute now. Or maybe the way you experience pleasure or attraction does a total 180. While these changes might seem overwhelming, they represent the journey of aligning one's physical self with your inner identity. It's an opportunity to rediscover one's sexuality in a body that feels more authentic.


It's essential to prioritize sexual health during this time. Regular consultations with healthcare professionals, safer sexual practices, and self check-ins are crucial. Knowledge is power; the more you understand, the better equipped you'll be to embrace the changes with confidence.

Remember, this is a time of exploration and growth. Be patient, stay informed, and know that with each passing day, you're evolving closer to your authentic self. . Strap in (or on), enjoy the ride, and remember: you've got this, and it's going to be a blast! 🚀🌈

For more information on second puberty when taking
estrogen or testosterone, check out:

Five Ways Your Sex Life Can Change After Testosterone HRT

Estrogen GAHT/HRT and Sexual Function

Tips for Being Respectful & Considerate with Trans Partners

Engaging intimately with anyone requires respect, consent, and understanding. When it's with a trans person, a few additional considerations can go a long way in making the experience comfortable and joyful for both of you, but feel free to steal these tips even if you’re sleeping with cisgender people!
Here's your quick guide:

• No Assumptions Zone - Don't assume what a trans person likes, wants, or feels based on your previous experiences or societal norms. The only way to know what someone likes is to talk and explore with them.
• Ask About Language - Every person has preferred terms for their body parts. Before getting intimate, ask your partner how they refer to theirs. If you’re shy about this, ask if you can engage in a little pre hook up texting, and work it in there.
• Stay Educated - Take time to educate yourself about trans issues and bodies. It shows you care and makes for a more informed connection. May we recommend our own Library as a trusted resource?
• Consent, As Always, is Crucial - Just like with any partner, always ensure there's explicit consent before proceeding with any activity. Consent getting can be a super sexy part of sex.
• Avoid Stereotyping️ - Trans people, like all people, have diverse desires and boundaries. Don't pigeonhole them based on media representations or hearsay.
• Respect Boundaries - Some areas might be off-limits for a trans person due to dysphoria or other reasons. Always respect those boundaries.
• Open Communication - Encourage a two-way conversation. Let your partner know they can voice their feelings, desires, and concerns.
• Feedback is Gold - After your encounter, constructively discuss what worked and what didn't. It's all about growing together!

Remember, the foundation of any intimate relationship is trust, understanding, and mutual respect. Approach each experience with an open heart and an open mind. 🌈💖🤗

Preventing pregnancy as a queer person

Wait a minute, can queer people even get pregnant without trying to?! Well, if they have a uterus and ovaries, they could possibly, yeah! Bisexuals, lesbians, queer cis women, trans men, nonbinary people, and people with other identities who have a uterus and ovaries may get pregnant if they get sperm in their vaginas / front holes / glitter caves (use the word of your choice here!) But we can prevent pregnancy in a bunch of ways.

Keep sperm away from where it can make you pregnant.

(Sperm has to travel into your uterus and up to your fallopian tubes to get you pregnant.) One method for doing that is not having penetrative sex with a sperm-producing person’s penis in that front hole. There are tons of other ways to have sex! Other holes, hands, mouths, and strap ons all come to mind.

Use a barrier method for sex that involves a sperm-producing person’s penis and your vagina.

A condom or a diaphragm are two common options. Condoms are 98% effective when used perfectly, and we all know practice makes perfect! (In all seriousness, though, learn how to use them right before you start practicing.)

Take hormonal contraception.

First off - testosterone is not considered a hormonal contraceptive and should not be relied on to prevent pregnancy. Birth control pills, patches, shots, vaginal rings, and implants are options that release hormones (estrogen and/or progesterone) to stop ovulation. No ovulation means there’s no egg for sperm to fertilize. (Yes, many t-takers stop ovulating, but not all.) Learn more about birth control and contraception options here.

Use emergency contraception.

If you've had sex that could put you at risk for pregnancy or you’ve experienced contraceptive failure (like a broken condom), you can use emergency contraception pills like Plan B or Ella. They work best when taken as soon as possible after the sex. FOLX can prescribe for you or you can get meds from a pharmacist over the counter.

Get an Intrauterine Device (IUD).

This is a small, T-shaped device that a doctor places in your uterus. There are hormonal and non-hormonal (copper) options available. IUDs can prevent pregnancy for several years and can be removed if you decide you want to get pregnant.

Practice the Fertility Awareness Method (FAM).


This involves tracking your cycle and understanding when you’re most fertile, so you can avoid having pregnancy-risky sex on those days. This method requires a LOT of attention to detail and isn’t as reliable as other methods for most people, especially if your cycle isn’t predictable (like if
you’re on t!)

Choose a permanent method of prevention.

If you're sure you don't want to get pregnant in the future, you can consider sterilization procedures like tubal ligation for
uterus owners or vasectomy for any of your sperm-producing partners.

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After sex Doxy PEP

If you’ve been around the sexual block, you’ve probably heard about PrEP to prevent HIV, but do you know about Doxycycline Post-Exposure Prophylaxis (“Doxy PEP” for short)? 

We all know that we should be thinking about our sexual risks before a sexual encounter, and might want to use barriers if that feels right for us, but sometimes an unexpected 🔥 moment just presents itself! And sometimes we just decide
to take risks (no judgment, all informed consent here!)

Doxycycline is an antibiotic used for all kinds of things, from UTI, respiratory infection or acne treatment to malaria or lyme prevention (and so much more). As PEP, it's taken after
potential exposure to STIs, giving you an extra layer of defense.

Doxy PEP has been studied to reduce your likelihood of contracting syphilis or chlamydia. Doxy PEP does not provide protection against viral STIs like HIV, herpes, or HPV. Less STI-risky sexual practices (like using hands or considering which holes, what kinds of fluid is exchanged, and what kinds of penetration) and barriers (like condoms) remain the most reliable methods for preventing the broadest amount of STIs.

Always consult with a healthcare professional before taking any medication or if you believe you may have been exposed to an STI. FOLX can help if you have any questions about an exposure or about if Doxy PEP is right for you!

Read more in What is Doxy-PEP and how does it prevent STIs?

Preparing for Pregnancy

Sexual and reproductive health can include more than sex.
If we want, it might also include making babies! Entering the world of pregnancy as a queer person can be a mix of excitement, uncertainty, and a bananas amount of questions. The first step to embarking on this journey is ensuring you know what’s going on with your health, both physically and emotionally. Start with a comprehensive health check-up, because pregnancy can be a lot for any body! (Yes, we at
FOLX can help with this!)

Deciding how to choose a sperm or egg donor might be another crucial decision. If you have a partner with sperm or eggs, this could feel simple. Whether you're considering someone with personal ties or opting for anonymity, weigh the pros and cons of each. It's also vital to understand the legal aspects of queer pregnancy. Familiarizing yourself with state regulations can help you navigate any potential challenges. (We can help with legal referrals, too.)

The journey of pregnancy can be a wild emotional ride. To get mental health support, consider engaging with a therapist or other practitioner who is familiar with the experiences of queer conception. Additionally, connecting with supportive communities, such as queer TTC (trying-to-conceive) groups, can offer insight and shared experiences.

Lastly, think about your financial preparedness for this journey. Understand the costs involved, and ensure you're in partnership with a medical team that supports and understands your unique journey.

If you're interested in exploring your family building options, we've got a whole course, launching soon!

Sexual Safety Tips
for Sex Workers

Sexual safety is important for everyone, but for sex workers, it's an integral part of daily professional life. There are tons of kinds of sex work - from stripping to porn and pro domming to full service - so not all of these tips will apply to everyone. But these tips can help you think about risks and risk prevention:

• ‍Establish Boundaries: First, figure out what your boundaries are - for physical safety and for emotional comfort. It can
be helpful to talk this out with other sex workers or trusted friends. Then, you’ll need to clearly communicate what's
off-limits, ideally before you’re alone with a client.
Depending on the kind of sex work, this can be tricky due
to the situation or legal worries, we know. If someone gives you a hard time about a boundary, they are not a good client and should be gotten rid of as swiftly and safely
as possible.‍
• Vet Your Clients: While it’s not always possible, it can be protective to have a vetting process for new clients.
This might include checking references or online reviews. Connecting with other sex workers in your area, through groups like SWOP (the Sex Workers Outreach Project)
can help give you info about safe and unsafe clients in
your area.
• ‍Regular STI Screenings: Schedule frequent health
check-ups, including STI screenings. Early detection is key for treatment and prevention. The standard in the adult film industry is for performers to be tested every fourteen days for HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, hepatitis B and C, and trichomoniasis.‍
• Barrier Methods and Lubricant: Condoms are the best frontline defense against STIs when coming into contact with penises. Gloves and saran wrap can also be incorporated sexily into play. Lube reduces friction and irritation, the chance of condom breakage, and is
protective when you might be being hard on your holes
(or someone else’s!)‍
• Vaccinate and Test: Ensure you're up-to-date on vaccines, like the HPV vaccine, which can protect against certain sexually transmitted infections. And keep up-to-date on your Covid vaccine. You may want to ask clients to take a Covid test before you see them, especially during surges.‍
• Emergency Planning: Choose trusted, secure places for work, as possible. Let someone know your whereabouts or check in regularly or when you’re off shift. Always have a local trusted contact ready to call. Some folks like to take basic self-defense classes and carry protective tools to increase their sense of safety.

Remember, your well-being is paramount. Prioritize safety,
trust your instincts, and never compromise on health precautions.

Tips for Hiring
Sex Workers

Sex workers provide a range of services, from web-camming and stripping to escorting and pro-domination. Hiring a sex worker can be a great way to explore new things in a safe container, with a professional who knows what they are doing! Just like in any other profession, these individuals deserve respect, fairness, and understanding. Engaging with a sex worker? Here are some tips to ensure a positive experience
for both parties.

• ‍Do Your Research - Understand local laws and regulations. Some activities may be illegal where you are.‍
• Communication is Key - Discuss boundaries, services, and prices upfront. No surprises.‍
• Be Punctual - Value their time as you would with any other professional.‍
• Payment Upfront - Don't haggle or delay. They're providing a service, and it's their livelihood.‍
• And Tip Well - Tip your workers and tip performers! For some sex workers, tips make up the bulk of their income.‍
• Consent is Still Crucial - Just because you're paying doesn't mean boundaries can be crossed. Always seek explicit consent.‍
• Privacy Please - Respect their discretion. Don't pry into their personal life or share details without permission.‍
• Cleanliness Counts - Good hygiene goes a long way. Shower and avoid strong scents (body and perfume!), unless otherwise negotiated, for your encounter.‍
• Educate Yourself - Read up on the challenges and rights of sex workers. Become an advocate for fair treatment.

Remember, sex workers deserve the same respect and dignity as anyone else. Treat every encounter with kindness, understanding, and professionalism.

Sex Positive Accounts and Online Spaces

If you’re looking for a sexy space online, we’ve got you! Here are some apps to download and accounts to follow to make your online life more sex-positive.

Apps

• ‍Feeld - a dating app designed for people interested in polyamory, kink, and alternative sexual preferences. The app aims to provide a safe and inclusive space for people of all genders and sexual identities.‍
• Coral - an education and connection app providing lessons, stories, and exercises to help users enhance intimacy and improve their sex life.‍
• Plura - an app to find events from queer munches, poly happy hours, sex education workshops, consent discussion groups, rope jams, family picnics, sober festivals, and more.
• ‍Grindr - a location-based social media networking app for gay, bi, trans and queer people to discover and navigate with queers around you.

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Navigating
Non-Monogamy

The way people do relationships and intimacy is vast and varied, despite what mainstream rom-coms would have us believe. For those of us in the LGBTQ community, embracing diverse forms of relationships can be a powerful expression 
of self. Let the heternormies keep their boring scripts about what partnership looks like! (Unless you really want the monogamous rom-com dream, then YDY!) Among the myriad ways of connection, having multiple sexual partners has always been a choice for some, especially in certain pockets of the rainbow. But how does one navigate this responsibly and ethically? Welcome to the world of ethical non-monogamy.

What is Ethical Non-Monogamy?

Ethical non-monogamy encompasses a range of relationship styles where individuals maintain more than one romantic or sexual relationship simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It stands in stark contrast to infidelity (aka cheating), where secrecy and betrayal reign.

Sexual Health Considerations

Having multiple partners undeniably adds complexity to sexual health. More people means more fluids and holes (if you have sex like that) and for sure more conversations and boundaries to navigate! It's crucial to get regular check-ups and communicate openly with your partners about your STI status, boundaries, and risks. True consent is only possible when everyone knows exactly what they’re consenting to.

Different Flavors of Non-Monogamy:

Open Relationships: Typically, couples in open relationships maintain their committed partnership but allow for sexual encounters outside the relationship. These encounters may be purely physical, or they could be emotionally intimate as well (sometimes also called polyamory).

Kitchen Table: This style of non-monogamy gets its name from the idea of everyone involved being comfortable sitting around a kitchen table together. Relationships built on this model emphasize the communal aspect, where metamours (partners of one's partner) might even develop their own relationships of friendship or intimacy.

Hierarchical Polyamory: Some people have primary, secondary, tertiary, etc., relationships. A primary relationship might be prioritized in terms of closeness and commitment, while secondary or tertiary relationships might be less intense or involve fewer entanglements, like cohabitation or shared finances. A nesting partner is someone you live with (and may or may not be a hierarchical relationship!)

Relationship Anarchy: This philosophy challenges the idea of ranking relationships based on societal norms. Advocates argue all relationships (whether friends, romantic partners, or otherwise) should be allowed to naturally evolve without adhering to set definitions.

Solo Poly: This refers to individuals who have romantic or sexual relationships with multiple people but maintain their independence. They often prioritize their autonomy, might not be interested in cohabitation, and could have various partners without a primary one.

‍Being Slutty: In the ever-evolving world of new terms, we don’t want to forget that some people just want to keep it simple and slutty! Though the term "slut" has been historically derogatory (just like queer!), many in the LGBTQ community have reclaimed it as a term of empowerment. Being a "slut" means embracing one's sexuality, desires, and body autonomy. It's about choosing what's best for you, whether inside or outside other non-monogamy frameworks.

Every individual's experience with these styles is unique. One person's understanding of an open relationship might differ from another's. The only way to know how your partner(s) define something is to talk to them!

Ethical non-monogamy is about enjoying multiple relationships in a way that cares for everyone involved. It's about respect, transparency, communication, and a commitment to the well-being of all the people you play with and care for. Let’s explore with an open heart, informed mind, and deep care for each other 💗.

Exploring Kink

Dipping your toes (or perhaps something else) into the world
of kink? Before you break out the ropes or zappers, here's a shortlist to make your journey into new desires delightful and consensual.

• Educate Before You Elate - Familiarize yourself with the kink before trying. Whether it's BDSM, role-playing, or any other fetish, knowledge ensures you approach it safely and enjoyably. Watching authentic porn, listening to personal experiences, taking classes, hiring a pro, and reading are all ways to get more information!
• Speak Up, Buttercup - Communication is hotter than any candle wax. Discuss boundaries, desires, and safe words with your partner. What’re safe words? Anything used to shorthand how things are going. Often red is used to mean “STOP right now, this is unsafe” / “I am not okay”, yellow is “I’m approaching a limit” and green is “keep going, this is great!”
• Start Slow & Safe - No need to go 0 to 100 on your first try. Gradually introduce the kink into your play to ensure comfort for all parties. Dirty talking / fantasizing about the play first, alone or with a partner, can be a great first step. 
• Stay Open-Minded - Your first kink might not be your last. Explore different aspects, evolve your preferences, and remember that it's okay for you or your playmate to change your mind.
• Aftercare is Essential - Post-kinky play, it's crucial to check in with your partner. Whether it's cuddling, discussing the experience, having a bit of chocolate, or just hydrating, ensure both of you feel cared for. A next day text to see how somebody’s body is feeling, to thank them for the shared experience, or to flirt about a favorite moment can be a nice touch, too! Just be sure you’ve discussed what is cool / not cool to share via text, in case they have texts appear on a work computer / kid’s iPad / within parents sight, etc.

Remember, as you explore, always prioritize consent and communication. Your world of kink should be filled with
mutual respect and tons of fun! 🔥🖤

Introduction to Ace Identities

Ace identities encompass a range of orientations, including asexuality, aromanticism, and demisexuality. Here are some definitions.

Asexuality:


Being asexual means experiencing little to no sexual attraction towards others. Sometimes asexual people like to partner without sex being involved, sometimes they don’t experience sexual desire but still have sex for other reasons, and sometimes they might prioritize other kinds of relationships or interactions altogether. 

Aromanticism:

Aromantic or “aro” people generally don't experience romantic attraction. They might not get those heart-fluttery feelings or they might not be interested in engaging in romantic connections. Aro people might still experience deep love in other forms and may or may not also be asexual.

Demisexuality:


Demisexuals are all about forming emotional bonds before diving into the romantic or sexual stuff. That means they usually need a deep connection, like a strong friendship, to feel the hots for someone. It's like a slow-burning spark that turns into a fiery attraction.

These "ace" identities highlight the beautiful diversity of human experiences when it comes to attraction, affection, and relationships. They are all valid ways to be and act, and they all can exist on a spectrum. It's a rainbow of orientations within the already magical rainbow of LGBTQIA+ identities! 🌈

When sex isn't fun

Content note: If you need immediate support for a sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.4673 for confidential 24/7 support. In any crisis, you can utilize our partnership with Crisis Text Line by texting FOLX to 741741 to reach a live volunteer crisis counselor, 24/7. If you want to learn more about taking care of yourself during challenging but not crisis encounters, read on.

Amidst a guide on sexual health and sexy vibes, we wanted
to acknowledge that there are many other feelings that can come up during sex, some of them really hard. Sex is often portrayed as a euphoric experience, but it's essential to recognize that it might not always feel that way. Whether due to past traumas, consent violations, or other emotional triggers, sex can be tough. Here's what you can do when something comes up:

• Trust Your Feelings - Our bodies often communicate with us. If something feels off, listen, and act accordingly. It’s okay to take a pause to check in with yourself. Having satisfying and safe sex means learning to check in with ourselves, set boundaries and adjust them as needed. 
• Stop and Communicate - Always prioritize your well-being. If you're uncomfortable, you should stop and express your feelings, even if it feels really hard. Your comfort matters. If someone is having a hard time with your boundaries or your feelings, that’s a clear sign to stop being intimate with them at that moment and take some space to regroup either alone or together.
• It's Not Your Fault - Remember, if you feel triggered or violated, you're not to blame. Our boundaries deserve to be respected, our feelings and traumas are valid, and it's essential to feel safe in sex. Being intimate with another person is deeply vulnerable, even when everything goes well, and you should always be treated with great care
and respect.
• Find Safe Spaces - Surround yourself with understanding and supportive individuals. Friends, therapists, or support groups can provide comfort and insights. If you need additional support, consider working with a therapist who specializes in trauma or sexual health. They offer coping strategies and healing mechanisms.

Navigating tough emotions surrounding intimacy requires patience and care. Remember, you're not alone, and support is always available. Prioritize your wellbeing, surround yourself with caring support systems, and never be afraid to seek help.

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